Anger and Domestic Violence

What is it about Anger and domestic violence?  Why is it ok for you to physically hurt or to yell at your partner. In today’s society it seems that everyone is angry at something or someone.  It has become acceptable to be angry as we see it every where we go, road rage when someone cuts in front of you instead of just letting them go and smiling at them. Some people will react and get out of the car and rage at them. It happens at the supermarket, at work and at home in families.  But this does nothing to solve the problem it only creates another problem that you have to deal with later. If you feel angry how about doing something to calm yourself down.  Talking about the problem in a safe and sane way when you do not feel so angry.  If you are really feeling angry do some boxing to work on your rage and anger issues and get it out of your system. Doing something physical is a great way to deal with anger when it comes up.  It is a healthy way of dealing your  feelings and of past upset and anger or rage.  Tell the person sorry can’t deal with this right now or stop please and then walk away from the situation until  you do not feel so angry. Try dealing with it at a time when you feel so much better and calmer not angry. Putting up boundaries so you are keep safe is quite ok, and a healthy way for you to deal with your feelings and emotions. You are not delaying it to not deal with it but just delaying it till you are both in a better space to deal with it safely.

Why is it necessary to get angry with your partner who you should love and care about and should be your best friend. If you feel really angry what about doing something to let go of the anger that you feel inside so you do not take it out on another person. Take an anger management course to learn about how you let go of your anger and manage it better.  You will feel a much better person for doing so and not taking it out on another person. You can write a letter to the person to tell them how you feel and why so that you are still getting your feelings out but doing it in a safe way for both of you.  Write a letter when you have calmed down or you will write an angry letter that may not get read. This is a great way to feel heard by your partner or another person. Another thing you could do is learn about relationships so that you are a better partner reading is a great way to improve your knowledge of a subject and the more you know and understand the better it is for you and the better you do. There are some great books in the library that you can get out for free on relationships and on dealing with anger if you can not afford to buy them. I just read a book called the five languages of love by Gary Chapman it talks about how everyone has their own love language, there are five different ones Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving gifts, Acts of service, Physical Touch. When you don’t meet that in your partner they will feel that you are not loving them but when you love them in their love language they will feel really really loved by you. Some simple things like this can make a great difference to a relationship. Some churches even have relationship and marriage courses that you can do so you do better and handle your relationship better. Another idea is to go for counseling and work on your issues  so you are a better partners to each other.  Also their is the reflective listening technique where you repeat what a person has said to you so they feel heard and you really understand what they are saying to you and you have a healthier relationship as a result of each partner feeling heard by the other.

Have the discussion another day when you are feeling better or go to a counsellor and sort it out it counselling with some healthy boundaries in place. However you deal with your issues it is important you do it in a way that is healthy and does not hurt someone else. Do some work on your own issues so that you are a better person and have more knowledge. Because it takes two people to have a fight. If one person walks away then there isn’t a fight.  The angry person is left on their own to deal with their own anger issues by themselves. Also it is healthier to deal with the little issues so that they do not go to being big issues. Holding a lot of anger inside you is not good for your mental or physical health. If you store a lots of anger you can end up getting cancer and having a heart attack. So when you get little issues deal with them at that level and then you do not have stored up anger waiting to be released and you are reacting from what is happening in the present not from the past issues which will make things a lot worse for you.  Don’t suppress your anger either because it will come out some way probably when you don’t expect it to.  You will still have the feeling of anger inside you and can get tension head aches, rashes, upset stomach and other illness as a result and anger is bad for your immune system. You need to deal with your issues what ever they are they need to be confronted and dealt with in a healthy way. Anger is a tool for you to use to get in touch with your inner feelings. It is telling you that something is not right and you need to work on that issue or situation so you do not feel violated or angry.  Next time you feel angry try these little steps take deep breaths till you feel calm again.  Does what you are anger about really matter in the big picture of life does it really matter to you or anyone if it does take action if not then drop it. Take a break and think about what you are anger about could it be handled a different way to get a better response if so then do that. You can’t control what other people do but you can control what you do. Set things up in another way and learn from your mistakes and do them better next time. Be assertive not aggressive this is a better way to sort out the problem as anger does not solve things only makes them worse. Is there an issue you need to deal with for example do you need more sleep, better diet, a healthy work place these can all have an effect on how you feel. Is there something in your  life that needs to be changed so that you are happier and doing better.  A big laugh is very good for you some tines when lots happen to you stopping and laughing about your situation is a good healthy way to deal with it and it relieves the tension for you. Be as positive as you can positive people see the best in every situation and they are fun to be around its just a better way of living and dealing with life.


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