Those who experience domestic violence will often feel shame and guilt for standing up for themselves and speaking out about what is happening to them. But don’t because you have every right to defend yourself and look after your safety. Speaking out and going for help is a brave thing to do especially when you are being attacked and don’t have much emotional support from others. Standing up for yourself and getting help is a good thing and something you should feel proud of yourself for. If feelings of shame or guilt come up this is an opportunity to work on yourself and these feelings that you feel. Any one who uses guilt and shame at the victim at this time this is about them not you. So be aware of this as it can often create reactions from others to stop you from speaking out and being brave. There really is no shame in speaking out and looking after your personal safety is a human right for every person on earth. The shame is with the abuser not the victim at all. Shaming a person does not produce a change in behaviour it only makes things worse.
When a feeling like shame or guilt comes up for you stay with the feeling and feel it until it passes. Don’ t try to block or control it but notice and allow until the feelings leave you. Work on any issues that come up for you there is lots of great information on line or with a counsellor that can help you if you need it. Educate yourself about shame and guilt so that you deal with it better and always go for help if you need it. Any knowledge and understand that you get will also help you to do better to be aware of what is happening for you. Anyone who uses shame and blame is not helping the situation but only making things worse. Your feelings are real and there is power in understanding what is happening and what you can do to make things better.
Always support a person who is being abused they need more support not less. Take note of your gut and what you are feeling inside you as that is your best guild. Emotions that come up can tell us that something is wrong or needs to be worked on for us to do better. Your life experiences and values will show how you react to events and emotions that come up for you. We are all on a journey to do the best that we can and just realise that you are doing the best that you can with the information and life experience that you have. As long as you keep working on any issues that is quite OK work to become a better version of you don’t worry about anyone else and what they are doing. Emotionally healthy people learn not to react to others behaviour but do what is best for them and their life. Real healing happens when you are able to feel the emotion that comes up and then let it pass through you without fighting or pushing the feeling away. With more knowledge and skill comes a better way of dealing with these raw emotions. Never blame yourself for the feelings that you feel but allow to pass through you. Always show self love to yourself at these times will help you to heal yourself and to do better. if you need to say sorry to someone that you hurt always do this and work on fixing the problem that you have so that you can do better next time. if you need help see a counsellor of social worker who works with domestic violence they are skilled in these type of situations.