After my sexual assault trial where the abuser was acqutted due to not enough evidence my case worker with the Dpp special victim unit send me a letter to support me. In this letter she wrote messages to support me like “I cannot begin to comprehend what things are like for you as your heart, body and mind begin to try to come to terms with the jury’s decision and what it means for you.   Its natural for you to feel, shock, disbelief, grief, loss and devastation at this time but please so not lose sight of or shut yourself off to the many things you did achieve in coming to court and speaking out.  As a victim you were silenced by fear and confusion about what was happening to you yet now as a survivor you have been able to triumph over fear and speak out publicly about what happened. In doing so you have embraced a new identity as a survivor and a person of enormous courage, spirit, persistence, determination and resilience something Peter can never take away from you.” Then she said at the end of the letter ” I urge you to connect with the sense that the best justice comes from defying the programming that torture, trauma, and brutality seeks to imprint upon survivors by being like a phoenix rising from the ashes and making your life everything that is not about what abuse is designed to give rise to.”  She also send me some sayings to read.

I have been victimised

I was in a fight that was not a fair fight.

I did not ask for the fight. I lost.

There is no shame in losing such fights, only in winning.

I have reached the stage of survivor and am no longer a slave of victim status.

I look back with sadness rather than hate.

I look forward with hope rather than despair.

I may never forget, but I need not constantly remember.

I was a victim.

I was a survivor. ( ochberg 1988)

 

The survivor who accomplishes recovery faces the future and life with few illusions but with gratitude. Her view of life may be tragic, but for that very reason she has learned to cherish laughter. She has a clear sense of what is important and what is not. Having encountered evil, she knows how to cling to what is good. Having encountered fear of serious harm and or death, she know how to celebrate life.

 

So my message to you is no matter what happened to you remember to raise above it and value and love yourself and have the best life that you can. You know the truth of what happened to you and karma always plays out without you having to do anything. Just get on with your life and take good care of you healing yourself in what ever way feels good to you. But have your best life and remember to use kindness when are where ever you can. Your speaking out can help another victim to do better and to get justice and if you think the system needs to change then write a letter and make a phone call you could be the difference to another victims life and isn’t a great thing to do for another victim like you.